Thursday, December 2, 2010

Happy Birthday To Me

Nothing like waking up on your birthday and stepping in hairball puke.
Nothing wakes you up quicker.
It was either Pierre or April who left me the birthday present...
so it turns out that noise I heard in my dream wasn't the gigantic
raindrops plopping down on my head,
it was the gigantic hairball one of them was coughing up as I was in la-la land.

Pierre and April are laughing at me as they watch from the couch.
April yawns like it's no big deal and Pierre decides to wash his face.
"Walk over here and clean this too while you're at it."

I hop in the shower, hop out and wipe up the mess.
They walk around me sniffing the spot like they're working on a cold case.
I grab the Woolite heavy duty rug spray,
but I'm so tired I aim the spray can at both of them instead of the stain,
nothing came out except a swish sound, but they flip backwards anyway
and squint their eyes.
"Oh S---!  I am so sorry, are you both OK?"
I run towards them and they run under the table as if I'm going to spray them again.
"Hey, come on, I just want to see if you're okay."

This is NOT what I want to be doing at 6 in the morning.

I get on my knees and make a cat smacking sound.
Pierre hisses at me. Then April hisses at Pierre, then they both whack each
other for a good 5 seconds, stop suddenly, ears flat, and make these 'low battery'
growling noises at each other, tails hitting the floor like a hard wind.

All this over puke.

"OK, looks like you're both back to normal, I'm going downstairs to have my coffee."

I walk into the kitchen, and find Jake and Mr. C fixated on a flimsy kitchen rug in front of the sink.
A botched cover-up boys.

I slowly unravel the bungled work of Jake and Mr. C, and therein lies yet another present: hairball puke.

Happy Birthday To Me.